Wednesday, October 21, 2015

When Your Life Changes

When I started this post, its title was "Dreams" and here is what I had written:

To be honest, as I'm starting, I don't really know where this post might lead to.  I apologize in advance if it appears as just the ramblings of some flighty dreamer.

I've mentioned before that I have lots of interests.  Having so many interests causes me to dream of other ways to be making a living.  Of course in my dreams, these other ways always seem to be more profitable than what I'm currently doing which certainly wouldn't be the case for a lot of them.  For instance, one thing that is very important to me is the advocacy for respect of ALL people.  To have a career with this as the main function, I believe it would most likely fall under social work and we all know that makes no one rich. 

But a dream is just that...a dream.  When hearing that, some people might take me to be saying that a dream being just a dream means that it isn't a viable career option and that isn't it at all.  I just mean that while it is a conception in our head, we can make it have all the desirable aspects we want it to have.

One of my interests for the past couple of years has been fitness.  In the beginning when I was doing a lot of reading and research on the topic, I ran across the word "intrinsic". If you are doing something that is intrinsic, you are doing something that comes natural to you.  It takes no force, effort, or outward reward to get you to do it.  For some people, working out is intrinsic.  Their body naturally craves it.  This does not mean that the workout itself takes no effort; on the contrary, it may take all the effort they can muster.  When we say no effort we are talking about to actually attempt the action.  Although there is the obvious reward of good health, positive self esteem, a good nights sleep, a person who finds working out an intrinsic activity does not need to be told, "If you workout every night this week, you can eat the birthday cake this weekend."

Although I learned about the idea of something being intrinsic through fitness, it applies to everything.  I've heard it be said that you know you love what you do for a living if you don't think of it as "going to work" but as in going to do your hobby.  If you would continue to do what you do for a living with out getting paid, your career is intrinsic to you.  

I had paused here for a couple of days to contemplate what I was going to say next...

And then I got laid off.  My position at my full time job was eliminated.

If you have ever heard those words, "your position has been eliminated," you know that feeling of pure and utter shock.  One of those moments when you think, "Did I just hear that right?" or "Is this really happening to ME?"  The feeling that your floor just really fell right out from underneath you.

If you have not experienced this, let me prepare you.  Panic.  That is what you feel.  Panic.  Especially when it happens on a Friday and you have a very necessary bathroom remodel starting on Monday.

It's only been 3 work days since it happened.  On Friday before it happened, I was frustrated because I had been setting some goals for saving money and while I'm a planner and list maker, saving money doesn't work that way.  When I set a goal, I totally enjoy working towards that goal while marking things off my list.  Or doing something every day to advance that goal. When your goal is to save money, you actually do the exact opposite.  You do NOTHING every day!  At least that is what it feels like.  Everything costs money.  When you are trying to save, you make a list of your bills, you make a list of the money you have coming in, you write a budget, and then you sit tight until its time to pay bills.  That is all you do when saving money...nothing and pay bills.

So, now I have a new fear.  And honestly its the fear of the unknown.  Maybe things won't change much in the end.  Again, it is only 3 days in.  I have no idea what is to come.  Decisions need to be made.

One thing is for sure, I have some very interesting times ahead.  And, I guess its time to really think about those dreams.

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