Ugh! Emotions

Even when you are overall feeling on top of the world, like your life is balanced, and like you are the happiest you've ever been, one of "those" days can just sneak up on you and knock you to your knees.

I had one of those days yesterday.  Although I don't even know if that is the right way to put it because I personally didn't have a bad day.  Nothing happened to "knock ME to my knees".  True, I've been in pretty bad pain because of my back, which I have an MRI on tomorrow, and being in pain can really wear you down.  But I can not say I personally had a bad day yesterday.

I should have known though that it wouldn't be an ORDINARY day when I woke up to the feeling of Rizzoli on my belly gagging, getting ready to puke.  I quickly shooed her off me onto the floor.  She continued to gag but was looking over her shoulder at me like she was saying, "I can't believe you would move me at a time like this!"  She was completely disgusted with me.

She never did actually throw up...one good cough and she was then meowing at me demanding her morning treats.

But this is the way my day started.

I got to work early because 1) that cat had woken me early and 2) I had a deadline to meet.  I always have deadlines to meet, but this one was different as it wasn't simply "End Of Day."  This one was by noon, on the first day back from a holiday weekend.  Ugh!  Oh!  Did I mention that I also have a team mate on vacation all week this week so I'm also helping cover his tasks (happy to do it)?  If I forgot to mention that, it is a contributing factor.

Then....I've been working steady for about 2 hours, making good progress and my cell phone rings.  It is Josh saying, "My car won't start."  WHAT?????  He has 15 minutes to get to work on time.  And now I have to go get him.  With a project due in 2 hours and 45 minutes!  And I haven't started the other daily stuff (from the holiday and today) that needs to be done before I can leave for the day.  Not that 2 hours into my shift was pushing it for not having starting daily tasks, but you get how where I'm going with this.

Obviously not Josh's fault and at this point as I'm driving home to get him I'm thinking, "You know.  This is not that bad.  True, this situation is making us lose some money that we don't really have to lose, but we still have a roof over our heads and this is not life or death."  I would say, "we still have our health" but to be quite honest, in some ways....well....did I mention that I'm having an MRI tomorrow?

I get back up to work and get back on track.  Was pretty easy to do so, but I was still 20ish minutes late turning in my project.  Again, I tell myself, "No biggie."  I'm not going to let my self get worked up and stressed over something I can't do anything about.  This is something new for me in the past year or two.  I can pretty much shrug off most anything I can't do anything about.

MOST ANYTHING....

I get something to eat and then get started on my daily tasks.  I can feel myself wearing down and getting tired and to be honest a little weepy.  I hold it together because seriously, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.  I'm just feeling a little emotional.

Then, I see an article about an accident that happened over Labor Day weekend. A friend of a friend was killed in a motorcycle accident while traveling in Kentucky.  I knew this much when I came into work that morning.  Had learned about the accident the day before.  What I did not know until seeing this latest article was that the accident was caused by a 16 year-old running a stop sign.  A 16 year-old ran a stop sign, hit a man and women on a motorcycle, killing the man and putting the women in the hospital.  This man and an women have 2 grade school age boys.

Can you imagine?  16 years-old.  Life changed forever.  And the reason that a women and her two young boys have a forever changed life.  I don't know any of the people in this story other than that they are friends of a friend (actually friends of several friends).  But this just broke my heart. 

I told a co-worker about it and when I went back to my desk I really was on the verge of tears.  It was basically the end of my day so I headed out.  By the time I got to my car I was bawling and I bawled pretty much the whole way home.  Once the flood gates opened, they were open.  My family has a 16 year-old driver.  I can't imagine if this was her.  And that's all I could think.  What if....and it so easily could be.

I did stop crying for about 90 minutes until I had to go pick Josh up from work.  On the way home we stopped at the bank to check his balance considering he was going to have to make a decision on what he was going to do concerning his car.  He wanted to go inside so I dropped him off at the door and then went and parked.  While waiting I got on my Kindle and started looking at Facebook.

And then I saw it....

I have a friend named Dianne who I consider damn near a soul mate.  We met because of a passion for running, learned we both have passion for books (she is a retired librarian), and eventually we came to share a passion for tabby cats.  Dianne's love for her Augustus Happ is the only love that could rival my love for my Rizzoli.  We often trade stories and posts from our kitty cats. 

And when looking at my Facebook, sitting in my car, I see that she has had to make the decision to let Gus cross the Rainbow Bridge.  And my heart was broken AGAIN.  I immediately started crying, and by the time Josh got back into the car I was bawling.  Josh doesn't say anything at first and I start driving home.  Josh is totally confused because he hadn't known I had been crying at all and knows of no reason for such sadness.  He asks me if I'm okay and I say no.  I explain that I've been crying since I read about the motorcycle accident.  The thing about Gus is that I know that he is like Dianne's child, because Rizzoli is like mine.  There was a time when all I wanted was to be a mother.  Things just didn't work out that way and today I'm totally fine with that.  But having Rizzoli to baby takes care of ANY motherly, nurturing instinct that I had left.  Rizzoli is my baby, and Gus was Dianne's. 

When it comes down to it, I just really feel deep.  I get emotional over any extreme whether it be something extremely exciting and happy or something extremely sad.  It doesn't matter that I don't know the people.  I just feel.  And once I start, we just have to live through it. 

Today was much better.  I had several people reach out to me in the nicest ways and while I was already feeling better, yesterday and today were just reminders that even when life is balanced and going great, we will have bad days.  They will come and go and it does not change the direction of your life.  Life is still awesome and there is so much to be happy about. 

But I have to admit, I will really be happy when this week is over and things get back to normal next week.  ;o)

Date On A Saturday Afternoon

One of my favorite things about the life balance I've created is the time that I spend with Josh.  We laugh together and we have great conversation.  We've been going out less because we are trying to save money, but Josh hasn't been home a lot on the weekends lately so we took advantage of the long weekend.  Today we took in a movie and late lunch/early dinner.

I surprised myself and actually wanted to see Mission Impossible.  I have never been interested in them before but there was something about the preview that made me interested.  I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking that this is what made the preview look interesting:

While this was definitely NOT a deterent, it was a bonus.  I was actually interested in the movie itself.  My tastes are definitely changing.  I'm assuming it is Josh's influence.

There were some previews at the beginning of this showing that I am definitely interested in.  One thing I found funny was that I was at Mission Impossible having never wanting to see one and the James Bond preview looked good to me.  Same boat.

Here are the two previews I'm most excited about.

Black Mass
 

 

13 Hours

As for Mission Impossible itself, I did really like it.  Definitely action packed; kept me on the edge of my seat.  At one point I realized my hand was gripped really tight (didn't realize until I relaxed it). And I've decided that when I see my back specialist, I'm going to tell him that he has to give me the mobility of Ilsa Faust in this trailer.  (I will accept a little work on my part to get here.  LOL)

There were some points where most of the people in the theater actually laughed out loud (and we thought the theater was pretty packed considering how long the movie has been out and we went in the middle of the afternoon).  The only negative we would say is that it was a little long.  Josh got a little restless.

After the movie we tried a new restaurant.  It makes me laugh to say that we were going to the grocery store for dinner.  I mean, I eat from the Hyvee salad bar at least once or twice a week (sometimes more) and I think its the best salad bar in Peoria.  But we have a new Hyvee in Peoria and it has a new restaurant.  Since it is right in front of our favorite theater, we decided to try it today.

And we LOVED it! We had a funny thing happen to us...well, at least funny to us.  And it's the second time in about a month that it has happened.  Josh and I gave up soda over a year and half ago and so since back then Josh's drink of choice was Jack & Coke, he has started drinking Jack & water.  He ordered it at Bogies about a month ago and the waitress had no clue what it was.  Tonight the waiter asked again what Josh wanted.  Josh repeated, "Jack & water."  The waiter said, "What's that?" Josh started to go into an explanation that it was Jack & Coke but only water instead of coke.  I simply say, "Jack (pause) and water."  He seemed to get it at this point and Josh said it was a really good Jack and water. 

Josh tried something new and I was a little nervous about it.  He ate off the Asian portion of the menu and I've never seen him eat Asian.  His meal came with two appetizers so he chose Hot and Sour Soup and a wonton.  I'm pretty sure that the soup had cheese in it, but Josh didn't seem to notice so I'm not saying anything. 

For his entree' he got Mongolian Beef with fried rice and it looked awesome.  He was very happy with it.

I can see myself possibly ordering it in the future, although it had a lot of onions which made the amount that he ate vs. the amount served to him an uneven ratio.

I had a delicious crispy chicken sandwich and the fries were equally delicious.

We were home by 5:30 and we've been catching up on onDemand the rest of the night.  Some cuddling with Rizzoli has occurred, but she also made this effort to help me out with my blog:

All in all, it has been an awesome day.  Tomorrow we are having lunch at my grandma's with most of the family.  So far, it has been a great weekend.

Subscriptions for Everyone!

Exclude bills from the line-up and mail can be FUN!

Today was a fun mail day for Rizzoli, but there is some backstory here.  I've been receiving a Jamberry Nail Wrap subscription since about February.  I love it!  It is so much fun getting a regular shipment you can count on every month.

Around the same time I was noticing an advertisement on Facebook about a Barkbox.  For those not familiar with Barkbox, it's a monthly subscription that your dog gets every month with various toys and treats.  I thought it looked like such a great idea and so much fun.  Since I don't have a dog, I had started looking for one for cats but  couldn't seem to find one.  Then one day I saw an advertisement for a KitNip box and I got so excited.

Later that night over dinner I was telling Josh about the KitNip box and told him that I needed to look at it a little more but that I was probably going to order it.  I also told him that I had been looking for a subscription for him but because he doesn't wear any cologne or anything like that all the subscriptions seemed like a lot.

The next morning I realized that I told Josh that I was getting our cat a monthly mail subscription and not him.  I felt a little bad even though I knew he didn't care.  So I decided to customize my own subscription for Josh.  Then I had a conversation with a co-worker and he told me about the subscription that he gets in the mail.  Very basic.

That same day I ordered Josh a subscription to the Dollar Shave Club.  There are three different subscription options.  The Humble Twin for $1.00,  The 4X for $6.00, or The Executive for $9.00.   I'll let the founder tell you more  ;o)

I ordered the 4X subscription and I don't think he has even opened the 2nd month yet.  He just received his 4th month last week.

Back to Rizzoli's subscription.  She also loves hers!  Just like any cat, she is excited over the box itself.  Rubs up against it while I'm cutting the tape.  I'm always afraid she's going to make a move that makes me snip her.

What has been so funny to watch is that as soon as I get the box opened, she quickly claims a favorite "prize" and runs away with it like a dog with a bone like if she doesn't get away from me I'm going to steal it from her.  It is so cute.

I, of course, always get some pictures and/or video.  The first 4 pictures here are from her subscription today.

 Her July box was extremely popular.

And then there is MY subscription box.  I also get really excited and start running around the house looking for a hiding place.  LOL  Just kidding.  But as soon as a new month turns over I do get really excited and impatient.  Especially this month because they've made some awesome changes.

The subscription that I get is for Jamberry Nail Wraps and it is called StyleBox.  The theme is that "your mail just got a little more stylish" and it is so true.  I love it when I open the mailbox and see that small little Jamberry box inside (although I always know that it's going to be there because I stock through US Postal Service through the tracking number.  Oh, I did the same with Rizzoli's box this week too.)

You take a quiz to see if you are Classic, Trendy, or Feminine.  It used to be that everyone got the same thing in their box, but taking the quiz and getting the results told you which style to look at to know how you wanted to wear them or pair them with your outfits or other wraps.  The other key point is that you didn't know what you were getting until you opened your box.  Each month was a surprise; if you didn't see a picture on social media by another subscriber who had gotten theirs before you.

Starting this month, those who are Classic will all get the same wraps, those who are Trendy will all get the same wraps, and those who are Feminine will all get the same wraps.  In September the surprise will be a bottle of Jamberry lacquer that we won't know what color we are getting until we open the box.  The other fun thing is that we know 10 days ahead of time what the wraps look like.  If we want a particular design and it isn't the style that we ended up with for the quiz, we can actually manually pick the design we liked.  Although I've never been unhappy with a wrap that I've gotten, I'm really excited about this change. 


I haven't received this months box yet so I don't have pictures....but I do have video!  I picked the Feminine design for myself this month because the design reminded me of a retired wrap that I just love!  I don't know what color lacquer I'm getting, but it will be one of the colors shown in the Feminine section of the video.

I am so nerdy over monthly mail subscriptions.  LOL

To Rizzoli's Naysayers

One of my longest running hobbies is crocheting.  I've been doing it for the past 20 years.  Occasionally I take a little break to focus on other hobbies.  My last project was about 2 years ago when I made some Christmas decorations for my desk at work.  Some of my past projects including the Christmas decorations:

Shortly after the Christmas projects this beauty came to live with us.

Rizzoli was my first cat ever, so knowing what I had heard about cats, I figured crocheting might be a thing of the past.  Then I saw a free pattern on line that was absolutely adorable and I decided that it was worth a try.

Apparently, there are some that had the same impression as me as to whether I could crochet with a cat around.  My mother said her money was on Rizzoli. I started the project Friday night and got through Step 1.  I am purposely just showing the project in steps right now because one of my favorite things about crocheting is how I can start with this:

and then through steps like this come up with such a neat product (to be seen when finished). 

While working on Step 1, this is how Rizzoli reacted.

 Starting on Step 2 we had a little of this.

At one point today, I had to tear what I had completed of Step 2 out because it was too big. I was very hopeful that I would get it put back together before Rizzoli came out into the living room.  No such luck but she only showed a very slight excitement about it and then sat with excellent self control on my lap along with the big wad of yarn, even letting it sit on her at points.  That had to be very difficult for her!

So, while we had some ornery moments, crocheting with a cat is totally doable.  Glad to know!  I am only partially through Step 2 of the project.

Also in my well balanced weekend I read for business, read for pleasure, did laundry, watched some One Tree Hill on Netflix, talked to my Grandma on the phone, and helped prepare dinner.  All in all, a great weekend!

Everyone's A Nerd About Something

There are people in my life that give the perception they believe that once you have failed at something, its time to move on to something else.  I personally don't believe this, but I have kind of always lived my life that way.  Not fully, but to a small extent. 

I tell you this because this is not my first attempt at blogging.  And actually, my first attempt was pretty successful for quite some time.  I was in the process of losing a lot of weight and was very passionate about health and that's what I hear makes a good writer/blogger.  Then life got in the way and my health journey and blogging experience was interrupted.

I tried several times more, but I felt like my blogs didn't have a focus.  I tried the health thing again, but things weren't going the same as they had before.  I have so many interests that it seems like I should be able to find something to passionately write about.  

My boyfriend, Josh, and I were having this conversation at his birthday dinner Tuesday night and I was saying I have so many hobbies that I share with other people.  Reading, cats, Jamberry nail wraps, crafts, photography.  The list goes on, but these are definitely the main points.  Josh's response was, "So you're a nerd," and I said, "Everyone's a nerd about something."  That line comes from my friend, former boss, and continuous mentor, Jennifer.  (I asked her permission to use the line as the name of this blog.)

I've been thinking for a couple of days about how to write this blog and feel like it was going to be focused.  And then it came to me today.  Last week I wrote the following status on Facebook:

As someone who suffers from depression, and sometimes pretty severely, I had an amazing revelation today. I realized that on a daily basis, truly daily, I have the conscious thought that I love my life. I believe that right now I am probably the happiest I have ever been, the most comfortable I with myself that I have ever been. It's a wonderful realization to come too.

Number one reason I'm so happy and actually think out loud that I love my life is because of my home life.  I love and enjoy the family I've built.  The other reason is because for years I've been saying that I MUST find an appropriate work-life balance.  I was working an awful amount of hours and completely neglecting Josh and other aspects at home.  I was able to justify why I was working so much, but when it came down to it one valid reason always turned into another valid reason.  I realized the valid reasons were never going to go away.  

I also always had it in my mind what I thought other people thought I should be doing with my time. Other people's opinions consumed me.  Consumed me to the point that I really lost sight of what my own opinion was.  

And one day I just decided no more.  I decided to set unspoken limits.  I started walking out of work at a reasonable and preset time.  I started saying yes to only the things that I really wanted to do and no to the things that I really didn't.  

While there are always things that we would be happy if they changed (having more money for instance), I can say that the changes that I've made are so important to me and have helped make the life that I love.  I would be okay if nothing else changed.  

Thinking of it this way, it came to me today what my passion truly is.  The things I mentioned earlier in this post are definitely my interests.  Having a balanced life to be able to do all of them is my passion.  And so, that is going to be the focus of my new blog.  I will be blogging about what I'm doing and how I'm using my balanced life.  

The ratio of text to pictures in this post is definitely NOT what I usually like to see in one of my projects, but this idea just kind of came to me and I wanted to get it out while the thoughts were fresh. For tonight I will leave you with this thought and I hope that you will check back in with me to see how things are going.  And don't hesitate to share because chances are, you know a nerd.