Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Bathroom Issues

If you have been reading my blog and are still with me, this may end up being the point where you say, "This girl is just too quirky for me."  (Also, if you have been reading my blog and are still with me, thank you for that!).

As mentioned in the last post, I kind of have some issues when it comes to using the bathroom, mostly in public, but somewhat at home too.  This has been the case for as long as I can remember.  I have what some would call a "shy bladder".  My mom used to say that she didn't know what I would do when it came to getting my first drug test for my first job.  And sure enough, it was a problem.

All I remember about the very first time is that it was difficult.  I don't remember the details which only tells me that it was so traumatic I felt the need to forget it.  Totally black it out from my memory.  The second time I went for an employment drug test my ordeal was so hilarious to me I can't help but remember it.

I showed up like normal and it turned out that the person that was going to be in the room with me while I "went" was the mother of someone I went to high school with.  I don't know if this made it better or worse.  Well, I couldn't go.  I sat there...and sat there...and sat there until finally she suggested that I go out into the lobby and drink some water out of the fountain and then let her know when I was ready.  I did this, but also got a soda out of the machine and chugged that.  I waited in the lobby thinking any minute I should feel like I had to go.  Nope.

I finally asked if I could go home and come back when I needed to use the restroom.  I know this is out of the ordinary for a drug test so I don't know if the reason that they let me do this was because I knew the person administering the test or what but they said that was okay and that it was their lunch time anyway.

Well...I didn't get even half way home and the water and soda HIT ME!!!  And hit me hard. I did a quick u-turn and headed back to the doctor's office.  I took the elevator because my bladder was so full and about to burst that I did not think I could lift my legs for every step.  And the elevator took forever!!!  I got into the doctor's office and the receptionist said that it would be a few minutes till they were back from lunch.  I have visions of my slamming my hand on the counter top in a very excited manner, although that doesn't sound like something I would do.  If I did, the "slamming of the hand" was not out of anger but nervousness that I was about to wet my pants while trying to get approved to start a new job.  Anyway, I told her, "I can not hold it any longer!  I either need to go in here or go out to the restroom in the lobby!"  She took me back, handed me a cup, and at this point it did not matter that she was in the room.  Test taken.

People always joke about how girls go to the bathroom together and gossip.  Not me!  I don't want anyone going to the bathroom with me and I most certainly don't want to gab while I'm in there.  At least not before I go.  This has always been a joke at work about me.  Most everyone knows about my issues.  One of my co-workers left this cartoon on my desk saying it made him think of me.

But actually, this isn't me at all.  You know what would have happened if this was me?  It would be over in the first block.  This is how the conversation would have gone had this been me:

Person in other stall: Hi!  How are you?

I'm dead serious.  I yell this at people when they start to talk to me from another stall.  And it doesn't matter who it is.  My mother once was talking to me while I was in a stall and I started yelling this.  She responded, "BUT I'M YOUR MOTHER!"  You know what my bladder has to say to that?


Once I'm out of the stall, although I'm not really fond of it, I can carry on a conversation if I have to.  But really, what is it about these mini rooms inside bigger rooms that make people feel like it is a place to be social?  Is it because we are sitting?  Does it feel like sitting around the table to people?  I really don't get it.

And don't get me started on porta potties!

So, do you think after this you will be sticking with me?  I certainly hope so.  If you've started reading my blog and would like to hear more from me, please feel free to post a comment below.  Tell me about your own quirky bathroom experiences...or anything else you would like to share.  Or just shout out a hello to let me know you are here.  I would love to hear from you!  And, to make sure that you don't miss any future posts, don't forget to click follow up in the right hand corner next to my picture so that you'll get alerts when I've posted.

Hope everyone has an awesome week!

No comments:

Post a Comment